I often get asked if I regret giving my $10 to anyone. The question has always seemed foreign to me. Sure, some encounters go better than others, but I don’t regret having met any of the people that I have come in contact with on my journey. I find that even the people who I don’t feel a strong connection with teach me something. Well, the person that I met last Tuesday comes the closest to being a regrettable experience.
Lately I have noticed a woman sitting north of Dupont Circle at 1625 Connecticut Avenue during the day. It’s very close to the Chipotle there. Anyway, I have walked by this woman a couple of times now and haven’t had time to stop and speak with her. But Tuesday I decided to introduce myself to Arlen.
The 29-year-old was dressed in an oversized sweatshirt sitting on some blankets with her legs tucked under her. She looked like she had not showered in some time. She had a considerable amount of somewhat long facial hair covering her face. She sat almost motionless, staring out toward the street. As I got closer she slowly moved her head to the right and up to look at me. I crouched down in a baseball catcher’s position and introduced myself. She took the ten dollars and slowly moved her head back center and looked downward and started to smile.
“Do you have a cigarette,” she responded in a slow hypnotic tone. I explained that I didn’t smoke and she asked if I would go find her a cigarette. I decided to try to speak to her a little more before I went on a scavenger hunt, but she seemed obsessed with finding a cigarette and managed to pull herself up and stagger over to some people and try to bum a cigarette off of them. Although she seemed to be talking to them for a few minutes, she continued to another set of people where I imagine she posed the same question. A few minutes later she returned with a lit cigarette and sat down.
She was so out of it that I thought I better cut to the chase and ask her what she was going to do with the $10. She said she was going to buy food with it. “Are you homeless,” I asked. He head moved again slowly and her glassy eyes met mine “Now you’re being disrespectful!”
I apologized and explained that I was not trying to be disrespectful in any way but that I just wanted to understand her situation better. “I make $10 a day and you ask shit like that,” she said. I apologized again and said that I hoped my $10 would be of great help. “Whatever, you’re a son of a bitch,” she snapped back.
Although she seemed to obviously be completely drugged out of her mind, I could not control feeling offended by her behavior. I responded back, “You say that you only make $10 all day long, I just gave you $10. A thank you might be more in line than calling me a son of a bitch.” She sighed and mumbled something under her breath. We both sat there in silence for about 10 seconds until she got up and walked over to the people who had given her the cigarette. I waited for her to come back for about five minutes but she didn’t even look back over toward me. I decided to leave.
I try to focus on taking something positive away from this experience. It’s hard to know what that is though. She was not a likeable person although I know she was not in her right state of mind either.
So, do I regret giving Arlen my $10? Not at all. Do I wish it had went differently? Absolutely.
Day 163 is the day I arrived in Manizales…so get ready for the Year of Giving to go international! I give my first $10 away on an airplane too!
Year of Giving 
Are you sure she was drugged? Could she have had a mental problem? It seems so sad that there are so many people out there that don’t want or can’t be help[ed].
Hopefully she did buy food. At least you have that good thought.
it was a dumb, unnecessary question. almost taunting.
I think you were as gracious as you could have been to Arlen, and maybe your gesture moved her in a way she didn’t know how to handle. You didn’t give up when she didn’t respond the way you wanted, and were able to show her kindness she likely wasn’t used to – sounds positive to me! 🙂
We missed you today, Reed! Can’t wait to hear about your travels. Meanwhile, we keep up with your daily giving here. It’s too bad you had some less than pleasant experiences, but thanks for sharing—the good and the bad.
I’m going with Michelle on this one. My guess is you likely scratched a surface there that had never been touched. I hope someone else does something nice for her soon— and perhaps that gesture will make even further progress in getting beyond the shell she’s obviously set up around herself.
And the fact that she is the first “almost” regrettable experience you’ve had in 162 days of giving says a lot. Hang in there. I love what you’re doing!
To be honest Reed, I feel like you are doing this to advance your own agenda – ie. land a job, get attention and show the world you’re some kind of savior. If you weren’t, you would be doing this anonomously.
That said, I think giving is wonderful. I work for a non-profit organization in DC. I disagree with charity though when you so grandly promote your own personal giving. It’s a big turn off. (Not to mention that I think it is illogical to give away over $3,000 when you are unemployed)
Am I alone here?
Michael, thanks for your comment. Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but I am certainly not doing this to get attention, etc. If I were, I would have been calling media/news stations etc. I have not intitiated any such pursuits. And how do I so grandly promote myself? If you look on my website, there is very little about me…because it’s not about me. It’s about the stories of those who I meet and who are inspired by what I am doing. Period. It’s too bad there are always skeptics about someone who tries to do something good. -Reed
For you to have made it 162 days with only one unfortunate experience gives me new faith in people. Do not let this one event overshadow all of the fantastic ones you have presented to us daily… You have touched so many people with your giving, not only those that have received new shoes, pants or advice, but those of us that read your blog daily. Take this one experience, learn what you can and move on to the next fantastic story!
I don’t often comment but wanted to let you know i really enjoy reading your blog. I’m sure the effects of your kindness are farther reaching than you know!
I agree with that Michelle and others have said, Arlen may be on of your best choices, even if it doesn’t feel like it. She may have had the strongest need of kindness.
Hi there,
It is hard to know what people have experienced in their life which gets them where they are now. Arlen seemed as if she needed some assistance, however it is hard to know what help she needed. It could be alcohol, mental illness, education, drug rehab… We are all different- it makes everything more interesting that way!
There are programs available to help lots of people in difficult situations, but getting the word out and available can be difficult. Mental illness does not make the front lines…such as Arlen.
I hope your effort can lead to an awareness of the differences faced in this country.
Thanks.
Hi Reed,
The best part of this story is that you don´t regret, and it does make a huge difference.
To me what happened is that there was too much “noise” in the communication, so the way I see was a problem with the connection and not with the situation.
Being asked homeless might have been the trigger, or the fact that she was only seeing about the cigar, making you unattractive of her attention.
About the foul language, you have to consider that you two are on different level and while it might be offensive to you it could just be her daily language, something she is so used to that it became her rule.
As a last impression, it bothers me to see many people (commenter’s) always take the easy road (mental illness, drugs, alcohol) as the reason why people act strange. I try to imagine how hard it is to be “invisible” to society and I am pretty sure, that I have not the slightest clue and that I have barely scratched the surface.
Too bad I´am catching up with the blog. I will have to learn to wait for next day story. 🙂
PS: for the record, I think you already found the clues for you next job. I think you are passionate about journalism. You got to apply for a reporter position, not the office type, but the field one.
Cheers