Well….yesterday something happened that I hadn’t prepared myself for.
I tried unsuccessfully to give the $10 to a woman with a small child leaving the Takoma Park Metro.
Later, I boarded the Metro around 10pm and decided to approach a man sitting by himself to see if he would accept my $10. Kevin, a 50-year-old African-American father and grandfather, was a bit suspicious when I explained what I was doing.
He pondered over it for a few seconds and then said “sure.” There was a benevolence about him that I initially detected but which later was further revealed. He explained how he tries to incorporate “giving” into his daily life. He thanked his mother for instilling those values in him. He mentioned that he had just given some food to someone this week who was asking for help.
Kevin told me that he was going to give the money to someone else. I explained that that was exactly one of the intended consequences of my work; to inspire others to give.
He and I talked about why people give or don’t give. We both agreed that when it comes to giving to a panhandler for example, that it is often less based on a conscious decision and more based on a feeling that you have at that moment. Maybe it’s how they approach you or something they say that triggers you to give. Of course there is the exception of those who always give or never give.
The train pulled into the station and Kevin stood up and expressed his thanks and offered me his hand. I shook his hand only to find he had palmed the $10 and given it back to me. He quickly went to the door and said, “I told you I was going to give it to someone who deserved it…I just did!”
Well…Kevin, I was not expecting this. I was kind of shocked. I didn’t know how to react. Before I could really move, he was gone. A woman who was in the car, Josephine, had been watching what was going on and came and sat down next to me. Unaware of how much she had overheard or seen, I explained what I was doing. She was very nice and I would have really liked to have spoken with her more, however, I myself had to get off at the next stop. During our brief encounter she did tell me about an article about an altruistic gentlemen from Montana named Ben Kennedy that was in yesterday’s New York Post. It’s worth a read. I wish I could have encountered him and learned how he would have used my $10.
Anyway, back to the story. So there I was on the escalator out of the Metro. I still had my $10 and I was left with the question of whether I should keep it or not. I say that people can do anything they want to with the money. His choice was to give it to me. I still felt like I should give it to somebody else. What do you think I should do in these situations?
I could have given it to Josephine. But now she was gone too. I headed on foot through the slushy streets a few blocks east. I was headed to the apartment of my friends Chris and Karrin who had traveled to Omaha to spend Christmas with Karrin’s family. I was going to pick up their dog Ruben for the night and take him to Little Rascals dog kennel the following day. Ruben was a lot of fun…such a well-behaved dog, made me want to get one.
Just as I arrived at their apartment, I found a potential recipient. Betsy was from DC, well Iowa originally, but has been here for “a really long time.” A white woman about 30, Betsy works at a well-known coffee establishment. She has an MBA and worked the corporate world for a while but has chosen to take a break from all of that. She was rather fascinating. She said she stopped for me because she thought I was a lost tourist.
I asked her what some good coffee joints were in the area, and she quickly brewed up some answers. In addition to her own establishment, she highly recommended Buzz in Alexandria, Swing’s by the World Bank, and Baked and Wired in Georgetown. Acording to Betsy, Buzz has phenomenal baked goods as well.
Betsy accepted my $10 and said she was going to go to the mini mart and buy a couple of Totino’s frozen pizzas. She confessed that she probably eats pizza at least 2-3 times a week.
I gave Betsy the web address and told her to check it out. We exchanged holiday pleasantries and went on our ways. Off to pick up Ruben!
Year of Giving 
I think you should feel like your obligation to your project is done as soon as a person accepts the money. But of course, if you feel compelled to give it away a second time, then do it!
I agree with Ryan. I personally think you should have kept it because that was what Kevin wanted to do with the money but totally get it that you gave it away again.
I feel like once we give a gift, it belongs to the giftee and therefore they can do what they want to with it. You gave the $10 to Kevin and he wanted to give it back to you. Once he did that, you were free to choose to give it away again if you so choose. If there are strings attached it is no longer a gift. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall and see the look on your face when he passed that ten spot back to you LOL!
It was ok to give it to some one else just as it would have been to keep it since it was a gift… BUT… GIving it away for a second time was better since you touched twice as many people with the same act in one day…
Reed,
I Just Read The Article On Your Blog, Year Of Giving. I Was Greatly Intrigued So I Popped On Over To Here To Check It Out. I Made It through The Last Ten Posts Or So As Well As The First Ten Or So But Day 8 Definitely Struck A Cord With Me.
I Have Struggled With The Idea Of Giving For So Long. I Would Have Loved To Be A Fly On The Wall Listening To Your And Kevin’s Conversation About People Who Give And Don’t Give.
I Am A Very Compassionate Person But I Have Been Scorned Greatly By My Parents So “Giving” Has Taken On A Very Different Meaning To Me.
See, As A Child And Young Adult I Have Watched My Parents Take And Take And Take, Weather It Was From The State ( My Very Able Bodied Mother Will NOT Work And Gets Assistance For Things She Doesn’t Even Need.), From Strangers (My Father Has Panhandled Even With A Job For The Extra Cash That Is ALWAYS Spent On Booze), Or From Family( My Husband And I Have Have Given Them Each Money And A Home And All The Help We Can At Times With Very Different Bad Outcomes…Too Long To Explain), And So To Receive Help Became Wrong And Now When I Look At Others In Need I Am Very Skeptical Of There Needs Compared To Wants…
I Really Just Wanted To Thank You For Reminding Me What True Giving Is…You Stress That The Outcome (While Important To You) Of Where Or How The Money Is Spent Is Not Nearly As Important As The True Reason For Giving It.
I Love The Idea Of The Snowball Affect.
Thank You For The Reminder And I Look Forward To Your Next Posts 🙂
~Brooke L., Alaska
Brooke, thanks for taking a peak inside the Year of Giving. Sorry to hear about the experiences with your parents. Sounds like you have found your own way though…keep on that path! Would love to make it to Alaska!